When did it start? This feeling of elation I am currently enjoying...this feeling I never want to go away. How we cling to happiness more than ever when we experience it. Isn't this what we understand, though, when we say "to have had an experience", that it must come to an end for it to qualify as one?
My experience of "good-feeling" I don't want to end, so my effort for today will be in trying to sustain this wave of happiness throughout the day. I fear talking too much about it will somehow dilute or lessen its intensity. Perhaps it is an effort to bolster it? How much of our own happiness is the result of one's volition or simple fate without our agency involved?
I do not feel responsible for this feeling this morning. I've done the same thing each morning for this whole year, so what changed?
But, what brought on my feelings, I do not know. I first started feeling it after my second cup of coffee. Did the the barista add an extra shot of espresso, accidentally? I feel like my mind is on fire with focus and attention to detail.
I first felt this feeling of strong elation when I walked into Kroger this morning. The signs for their markdown specials hanging from the building's ceiling were a vibrant red and yellow, almost radiating with purpose. Intense, gorgeous. Isn't this what most people are striving for in life? An intense, deep, gorgeous relationship with the world in which one moves? This is something I would like to feel on a normal basis.
But then again, for this experience to have such power, it must NOT happen all the time, nor for very long. What are these short, bursts of beauty that break through on one's conscience. Is this divine light, divine intervention, divine cross-talk between heaven and earth that I've chanced upon this morning?
I still feel fear in my interactions with others. Fear hasn't altogether left me. I JUST FEEL GOOD.
And it's this good feeling for which I have no rational explanation.
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